Okay, I know, I’m married so I should never ever talk to singles about being single. I used to hate that. John Ragsdale was the singles pastor (both John and Kristen worked at this job) at the Promiseland while I was there. They were great but sometimes, I would get so sick of hearing that we should be happy being single, etc. Not that they said it all that often. I get that singles need to find contentment but at the time, I was like, “Sure you can talk about being happy single while you go home with your significant other”. Okay, maybe I was a little bitter (lqtm -laughing quietly to myself).
Here’s the deal. I didn’t get married until well into my 30s (I decided after turning 30 I no longer had to ever reveal my age or my weight to anyone…well maybe my doctor). And I feel I know about being single. I know about the struggles of it. I understand what it feels like, tastes like, sounds like, etc. And I have a heart for people who are struggling with being single…especially around the holidays.
Most people who minister with singles never say what I am going to write here. But I believe this…this is a part of my testimony. If you are single and you want to be married…I’m not talking about someone who maybe someday wants to marry but someone who knows deep down they want to be married and have a family, then God has someone for you.
No one ever says that to single people and they should. The Word says, in Psalm 37:4
“Delight yourself also in the LORD,And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Of course this promise is conditional…we have to find our delight in Him.
You know what else I would get so sick of hearing…”When you stop looking, that’s when it is going to happen”. Are you kidding me? Singles never stop looking…we’re always looking, even when we aren’t “looking” we’re looking. As far as I was concerned if I didn’t have a ring on my finger, then I was looking.
I moved from Austin, Texas (Big ole lake of singles) to Mobile, Alabama (small lake but only a few good fish and some of those were slightly used – sorry guys but they get married young down in the south), and then from Mobile to Big Spring, Texas (very small pond – almost what we call here a “tank”). It was crazy. I was going from big potential to almost no potential. The funny thing about it was at least in Big Spring the number of decent available guys far out numbered the available ladies.
While in Big Spring, I got involved with a small group for women. It really wasn’t a small group. Since most of the women were married we did some studies on marriage and family. One particular evening, I was so disgusted with the women (sorry ladies, you all are awesome and I know I’ll appreciate the studies as my marriage grows and changes)…the whole message was marriage is work, it’s hard, etc. I was just tired of hearing it. So I asked the ladies if anyone was happy to be married (I actually asked for a show of hands). I think they got upset with me. (Again I am lqtm because I cannot believe I actually took a poll) One lady (very sweet lady) said to me, “there are nice guys here. You could meet someone here”. Which was totally not the point. At the time I had put myself on a little break. I was pretty sick of dealing with guys and their wish-washiness. I laughed and told her “I’m not even looking right now”. (Of course this is where I met Dennis).
The advantage of getting married a little later in my life than other women I know is that I know what really being alone is like. I know what it feels like to go to bed at night and wish I had a gun because the “vacant” house next door has some guys living in it and I know they have seen me coming and going from my place. I know what it feels like to wake up alone on Christmas to an empty house. I hope this means I’ll appreciate my husband more. I hope it means I’ll be patient with my kids (when I have some). I hope it means I learned something. I hope it means I’ll thank God more and complain less.
So if you are single…don’t give up hope. God knows you and He knows just the right person for you.
A lady in Alabama prayed for me. She said God told her that my husband isn’t ready yet. God is still working on him. Then she asked, “Do you want him before God is finished with him?” “Lord, NO!!” was my response. I did pray for him more though.
Just a month or two before I met Dennis, I had a dream. In my dream Bishop Phillips told me to pray for my husband. I consider the Bishop to be a spiritual father to me in many ways (for more info check out http://www.promiselandchurch.net). I recognized that it was God speaking to me in the dream. So I started praying. It wasn’t long after that, I met Dennis. I’ll save that story for another entry.