It’s not that Complicated


Lately, I’ve heard people describe their situation as “It’s complicated.”  That usually means several things

  1. The person is not giving all the details…usually something that would cast a negative shadow on themselves
  2. The person does not want to face the facts (lying to him/herself)
  3. They know what needs to be done but are not doing it because it is “hard”

Years ago I met a guy (I say guy because although this person was older than me, he was not a “man).  I knew, I would say on a spiritual level that he was not a “good guy”.  In fact, I recommended to one of my friends that she should NOT date him because he was NOT a “good guy”.  I met this guy at church.  In fact, that’s how he met most of the girls he “dated”.    Although he really wasn’t all that interested in God, he started attending the small group I led.  He was pretty faithful to it, but did not contribute much and we never saw any growth of fruit from his life (we have to look for good fruit in people before forming relationships with them).  After three years of being around this guy, I finally relented and went out with him….just for fun.  Right.  The relationship took me to places I never wanted to go.  He was far worse off than I had imagined.  From the first date to the point where I said “no more”….was 8 months; the worst year of my life. 

I could present all kinds of excuses (aka reasons) why it took so long to purge this guy…you know, “It’s complicated”.  But it really wasn’t complicated.  It was really about committing to and doing (executing) the right thing.  I didn’t want to break up with the guy because 1. I was lying to myself (this was not the man that God intended for me – I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole) and 2.It was going to be hard (I was going to have to admit that I was WRONG – had sinned- and I was going to have to be alone, again).  When I finally made the decision, it was a RELIEF.  Yes, it hurt.  Yes, I was sad and it was painful.  Once I made the decision, it only took 5 minutes to implement the decision and everything changed….just like that.  It wasn’t that complicated.

Everything I hear the statement “It’s complicated”  I think…”Get real, it’s not that complicated.  It’s YOU.” 

So stop making excuses and stop avoiding making and implementing those tough decisions.  Just do it.  It’s not that complicated.


4 thoughts on “It’s not that Complicated

  1. Cool. I’m an older Christian teen and I like how upfront you are about this relationship. It’s so hard to find Christians to talk with about relationships. Either they’re “I kissed dating goodbye,” or they’re quite easy and not really strong spiritually.
    So thank you for this.

  2. Seems like 3 years is a long time for a person to hang in there in a small group. How long did it take other people to recognize he was not of the same spirit you were or was your group just trying to be”nice” rather than speaking the truth in love.

  3. Jan, our singles pastor was aware that this guy floated from church to church looking for dates. The guy wasn’t singled out. This particular singles group had over 100 members…naturally there were some people attending for the wrong reasons.

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