Love Is…


This is just a few days late for Valentines…I know.  Just sitting up late at night thinking about some friends who have had some issues with their church family.  Something I am all too familiar with.  Actually, anyone who has ever been part of a church has probably had some issue.  If not, I would wonder if you had formed true relationships with your pastors and other Christians. 

The reason we have issues, is because we are all human and as humans we are flawed. 

Last week my dad said,  “Love is never having to say you’re sorry” (a quote from the movie “Love Story”).  When he said it, I said back, “Love is having to say you’re sorry even when you think you are right.  Love is having to say you are sorry when you really do not ‘feel’ all that sorry.” 

Last night we visited my parent’s small group.  The subject…you guessed it, “Love”; basically what the Bible says about love versus what the world says about love. 

Dr. James Dobson (Jim to his pals on the radio) says that Love is more about commitment than about emotion (I’m not putting it in quotes because I am not entirely sure I am quoting him directly).  What I got from this is that the true test of love is are you committed even when you don’t “feel” all warm and fuzzy about the person?  Love is way more than warm and fuzzy.

I Corinthians 13 4:12

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

(You knew I was going to use I Corinthians 13, right?)

As small groups go, sometimes we talk about things that aren’t necessarily on the agenda (although, my dad does really stick to the notes – my mom makes sure of it).  We were discussing things “the world” says love is.  One thing that I’ve heard from several people recently is, “I love Jesus but I don’t go to church because all churches are messed up.”   And some of the things we have seen in churches and some of the things we have heard…well, it is disheartening.  My thoughts on this however are two-fold.  1. As Christians, we must maintain our focus on Jesus Christ and not men (or women).  2. Jesus’ died for the church, His bride – how can you say you love Him but hate His bride; the apple of His eye?  It doesn’t work.  If you love Jesus, you love His bride; you  love her with all her flaws.

The tie in…well the tie in is this, true love means growing up.  It is as Paul says in I Corinthians, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things”  Love will require you to grow up, to mature; to become a man.  It is that simple.

As I have been thinking of our friends and family and even some of the things we have encountered in churches, so many things are executed or received from a wrong spirit.  By a “wrong spirit”, I mean demonic spirit and not the Holy Spirit.  (I am being very specific here).  Woundedness opens the door for all types of demonic spirits to work in our lives. (I wrote about this in my book and about how absolutely necessary spiritual healing is)  Our prayers for some of our family (both physical and spiritual) has been healing and deliverance from a spirit of an orphan.  So many of our dear brothers and sisters in Christ have become spiritual orphans so easily tossed to and fro as a result of the lack of a spiritual father.  Where are the spiritual fathers? 

Recently, I’ve observed several situations of a spiritual orphan resisting the spirit of adoption (Romans 8 ) and the ministry of reconciliation  (II Corinthians 5:18) resulting in devastation to entire families.  The orphan  is so injured, functions in such abandonment that when a spiritual father reaches out a hand to help, that orphan slaps the hand away and spits in the face of the father.  It is tragic really.  A spiritual father will recover, because a father by nature is mature and loves without being loved in return, however the orphan has placed him or herself once again in a position outside the bounds of God’s perfect will. 

What is the solution?   1. Choose NOT to be an orphan.  Find a church, make a commitment; dig in; stick it out.  2. Mature.  How are you reacting?  Does your reaction align with the definition of love described in the Bible? (see I Corinthians 13).  3. Realize it is harder to be an orphan than it is to be a son.  Son’s have the benefit of the spiritual covering of a father; Sons receive an inheritance. 

Dennis is always hooking me up with a good story.  One that I have read several times from the book “Sit, Walk, Stand” by Watchman Nee.  A man came to him and told him that he had gone on a journey and while he was gone his wife and best friend ran off together.   The man was very bitter.  He had not wife or best friend any more and he was having a very tough time forgiving them.  He would try to forgive but then  would find himself once again angry and bitter.  He asked Watchman Nee what he should do.  Watchman Nee told him, “do nothing, surrender to God.”  If we surrender to God; really surrender, then things like forgiveness and healing begin to take place.  This is one of those “If…then” statements; it requires action on our part. 

Have you been an orphan?  Or are you one now?  Would love to hear how you overcame?


5 thoughts on “Love Is…

  1. Wow Emily, you could not have said it better. If the church were being the heart and arms of Christ then we wouldn’t be in our current situation. It’s hard to love such a flawed system. Yet, Jesus looked ahead and time and saw a lovely bride and was willing to die for her.

    According to
    Malachi 4:6 (New King James Version)
    And he will turn
    The hearts of the fathers to the children,
    And the hearts of the children to their fathers,
    Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.”

    My belief is that the church in America (not necessarily around the world) has discounted the necessity of fathers. It is a reflection of what has happened in society as divorce rates increase and fathers are absent from the family. We begin to regard the father as useless. Both fathers and sons are at fault…fathers give up on children and children no longer respect fathers. It is a cycle we must begin to break.

  2. Good thoughts but surrender is not the answer. The word surrender is not found anywhere in the Bible. Some Biblical words that apply in my mind are Submit, Humble/Humility, Repent, Confess, Rest, Abide are a few.
    The other note is that believers in Christ are the Church. You don’t join a church or attend a church. Instead, as a believer you ARE the Church!

  3. Theresa jackson

    I saw this promise in my own family. My youngest son was so angry at his father about the divorce. I always discouraged disrespect of any kind to his Father. I got my prayer answered however the first thing that happened I saw them son and father together in a dream. This was like 25 years and post marine in Baghdad ! The next time I talked to my son who lived at least 100 miles from me was on his way with new wife to visit dad. Father is true and the best Father ever ! Shalom, Theresa Jackson

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