Son or Stepson?


Have you ever spent time with a blended family that had not blended very well?  Especially a blended family in which the father has at least one natural son and one or more stepsons? What tends to be obvious, is the stepson will never quiet measure up or receive the same affection as the natural sons. 

Although technically, there are no stepsons in the church, there have been many, many people who have been treated like and who have taken on the mentality of a stepson.  These individuals generally become slaves to men. 

Most will agree that there are individuals in the body of Christ today who are called to be spiritual fathers.  Repeatedly, the Bible reminds us of the plite of the fatherless and the widows. 

Defend the poor and fatherless;
         Do justice to the afflicted and needy.
 Deliver the poor and needy;
         Free them from the hand of the wicked.  -Psalm 82:3-4

Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow. -Isaiah 1:17

What is interesting is with all the “talk” (by that I mean people preaching sermons, teaching, establishing ministries, etc), many spiritual fathers (not all) tend to father only the most desirable sons; the sons who seem to already have things going for them. 

The bottom line is, there are some not so great “fathers” out there.  They are looking for followers not sons.  They turn “sons” into slaves; slaves to them, slaves to their vision, slaves to their ministry.  True fathers want to see what their sons can do.  True fathers want to see their sons succeed.  True fathers  resource their sons.

I grew up (from age 1 to 14) in a church that had the best of intentions.  Whether they meant to or not, there was a culture of “step-children” there.  Of course this is from my perspective.  The denomination the church was associated with tended to place pastors on a very high pedestal and if you wanted to become a pastor or an evangelist and be successful at it, you really needed to be related to a pastor.  Pastors would hire their pastor friends kids as youth pastors and to preach revivals.  A lot of nepotism took place.  Most successful ministries were contingent on  “Who’s your daddy?”

What this meant for 1st or 2nd generation Christians is we were like stepkids.  They liked us and we could teach Sunday school or keep the nursery or possibly, we could become missionaries.  We were told when we were doing things wrong but we were not encouraged to do anything beyond our local church.  Pastors certainly did not spend their time mentoring us. 

There is a mentality that comes with being the “stepkid”.  It is hard to be anything when nothing is expected.  For those of us who always wanted to do more, it was a fight.  At times our attitude was (or is),  “I don’t need anyone.  It’s me and God against the world.  I can do this on my own.”  That isn’t a kingdom mentality and nothing can come of it. Ultimately, a stepkid works so hard trying to be perfect and successful but no matter what they do, they are still just a stepkid.  We know that God has spoken to  us and said, “You can do this.  You are good for this battle”  Sometimes along the way we forget that we are not battling flesh and blood (See Ephesians) our battle is spiritual.  When God sends people into our lives to come along side and help raise us up, we have difficulty receiving; we have difficulty receiving anything from anyone.  We believe that we are stepkids and as stepkids our Father isn’t going to “give” us anything, rather we must work for everything.  Sometimes, God does just want give to us.  He wants to show us that favor and affection that we missed out on.  He does.  He loves us.  If we have positioned ourselves to never receive from anyone, we will miss it. 

Here is the truth.  In the Kingdom, there are no stepkids; only sons. 

But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. – Galatians 4:4-5

Adopted sons are still sons and we are all adopted.  Jesus came so that we could be redeemed and adopted.  When we believe and take on the “stepkid” mentality, we are agreeing with lies.  No matter what anyone in the is world says, we are children of the Living God.  We are NOT stepkids, we are adopted sons with more rights than the natural sons. 

In the Jewish culture an adopted child can never be disowned. Natural children can legally be disowned but adopted children can not legally be disowned.  When God says He adopts us, it is FOREVER.

Meanwhile back out in our lives in our churches in pastors have raised their natural sons to be “in ministry” while putting the spiritual sons, that God placed in their care, on back burners.  So many times I have seen the natural sons turn out like Eli’s boys….taking the things of God completely for granted.  There is nothing so disgusting as seeing a man with a multigenerational anointing (think of Aaron’s son, putting on his dad’s robes and being anointed the high priest over Israel, anointing on top of anointing) squandering that anointing.  I would like to smack some people.  You have cloaked yourself in pride because your daddy’s daddy started an organization.  It is gross.  You have surrounded yourself with people who bow down to your position and constantly shower you will empty accolades. Just like Eli’s sons, you are lazy and always take the “best” for yourself.  Anointing without discipline is just a feel-good moment.  Here is a little word of advise to minister’s sons everywhere… DEAL WITH YOUR PRIDE, STOP TAKING WHAT YOU HAVE FOR GRANTED, START LOOKING FOR DESTINY IN EVERY PERSON IN YOUR CHURCH (not just your relatives or the people you like).  Remember, there are people like me, 1st and 2nd generation Christians who willing to step up and take your place. We are willing to give everything we have to see God move.  We don’t care about what people drive, how much they give, who their parents are, where they grew up, if they are rich or poor, we do not care if they are educated or illiterate we want to see them saved and delivered; We want God and His Kingdom come and we are willing to work for it.

Many of you have felt the sting of the “stepkid spirit”.  You have felt the rejection or distance of a spiritual father who saw more potential in his natural son.  For those of you who have felt the heavy heart of being a Kingdom stepkid, I am here to tell you, God says, “I do not have stepsons, only sons.  You are my son.  I call you  “son”.  love you.  I am proud to be your Father.  And I see a great destiny in you.  Be STILL.  Be healed.  Be whole.”


7 thoughts on “Son or Stepson?

  1. Lisa

    In the process of being healed of both the stepson and orphan spirit. Spent most of my life, even my christian life here. So amazing how Abba never denied me or left even when I challenged his love for me because surely I thought he would eventually reject me too. Thank you for being bold to speak the truth. Once we are free, we become a burning torch for Jesus to free others in his name!

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