Momlog 27, 2011: How to Bathe your Toddler

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It’s summer, in Texas.  It’s hot.  It’s humid.  It is no time for a “hot bath”.  In lieu of the hot bath here is what to do…

1. Allow your car and truck to get filthy.  (Didn’t wash the truck for 4 or 5 months.)

2. Gather one bucket that your toddler received for Easter and two rags that were once your husband’s t-shirt and a bottle of dish soap.

3. Fill bucket with soap and water.

4. Spray vehicle, give toddler one soapy rag and tell him to rub it on truck.  Try to wash off a section before water dries off of now muddy truck in the hot Texas sun (even though it is after 6 p.m. the temperature is still well into the 90s).  Spray soaped area.  Toddler will get wet without directly spraying.

5. Allow toddler to dip his own rag in soapy water…he isn’t really interested in helping you or the hose…all he really wants to do is play in the “bubbles” (no matter how filthy they now are).

6. Ask toddler not to put his rag in the grass because your truck is getting grass on it.

7.  Switch out the soapy water several times. Allow toddler  to poor 1/2 a bottle of Joy dish soap into 1 gallon bucket (you need a lot of soap anyway for caked on brake dust from the disk brakes on your Volkswagen…we washed the Hubs’ car too and it probably hadn’t been washed in 15 months).

7.  Stand in an ant mound on the side or your driveway until you feel ants biting your foot.  Try to spray the ants off with power nozzle on your water hose.  Dance around because it turns out that ants have super hero abilities to cling to human skin.  As you dance around and yell in pain, toddler will call for dad (who is in the backyard mowing – with his earphones in so you know he will not hear the faint cries of your toddler).

8. Tell toddler NOT to stand in same ant pile you just stood in.   Yell at toddler to move because he can’t seem to understand that he is very quickly approaching the ant mound (did I mention that fire ants in Texas are bigger and poisonous…I am pretty sure).

9.  Toddler is now completely soaked.

10.  Give up washing cars because of ant injuries.

11. Give toddler juice packet to refresh because it turns out “washing the car” as form of bathing is way more work and more dangerous than just taking a bath in the bathtub.

Next time, we will just go to the pool.  Chlorine is a lot like soap…right?

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