Had a visit this week with a single friend of mine. In the middle of our time together she burst out with some delicate information regarding a man she is involved with. She has discussed the relationship with me in the past and from what I can tell, he isn’t in love with her. She is hopeful though. Her confession threw me off guard and I didn’t have eloquent words to say to her. All I had at the time was an awkward laugh followed by, “That was my awkward laugh”. I wasn’t shocked, not because I expected it but because I know anyone can fall into anything…believe me, I know. I was surprised because it was announced so “out of the blue”. I know she wanted to tell someone. Telling someone takes the hidden from darkness into light. Some things are just hard to say. Hard for her and hard for me.
After thinking about it all for a few day, I had some thoughts….
I remember when I was single reading some of the book (didn’t buy it just read parts of it at Barnes and Nobel), “He’s just not that into you”. Probably some of the best secular advise I ever read. If he isn’t pursuing you then he isn’t really into you. When a man is into you he doesn’t have to be prodded into pursuit…he’s naturally a hunter and he figures it out pretty quickly.
I want to write candidly to all my single girl friends (or any single woman out there who might read this)…having sex with a man is NOT a guarantee that he will love you. To my single Christian friends, who agree with the Bible that sex is reserved for the marriage with one person for always, violating your own beliefs will only lead to grief, condemnation, shame, conflict and deep loneliness.
My single friends, you are worth more than a casual non-committal relationship. You are valuable. You are precious. You are worth more than a tryst for someone who doesn’t know their own mind. The Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. If he is double-minded about how he feels about you or what he really wants from you he will be unstable in all that he does. You deserve stability; God promises stability.
The Lord is exalted, for He dwells on high;
He has filled Zion with justice and righteousness.
6 Wisdom and knowledge will be the stability of your times,
And the strength of salvation;
The fear of the Lord is His treasure. – Isaiah 33:5-6
A pastor’s wife once described a single friend of mine as “unsettled”. Most women want to be settled. We fall into drama; we fall into relationships that are drenched in drama but ultimately we long for stability. It is not “settling” for something less, it is finding that place of peaceful existence with the man God intended for us.
A man of God will not ask you to violate your faith or your relationship with God. He just won’t. He values his own relationship with God, he values you and he values your relationship with God.
One of the greatest compliments the Hubs ever gave me was when he said, “For the first time in my life, I am in a relationship that does not compete with my relationship with God. I can have both; I don’t have to choose one or the other.” Yes, godly relationships do exist. It’s us…so very often we rush into things that God never intended because of our own impatience. You can’t rush God, you must wait on Him. He will come through. He is for you, NOT against you. His hopes and dreams for you are so much greater than what you can think, or ask or imagine.
The plan God has for you is worth waiting for. It is worth breaking old patters and habit to align with Him.
If you are in relationship that is requiring more of you than you should be giving (emotionally or physically) and you are having problems breaking out of it then pray this prayer:
Lord, Your Word says if I acknowledge You, You will direct my paths. Today, I acknowledge You in my relationships and ask that you will direct my paths. Please forgive me for doing things that clearly violate Your Word and Your plan for my life. Please help me to break out of these relationships. I break every soul tie I have formed with this person and that this person has formed with me as a result of what we have done, in Jesus name. Lord, please break these ungodly patterns off of my thinking and off of my life. Lord, I ask that You would bring godly friends into my life to remind me of who You say I am. Please send me people who will hold me accountable for my actions. I bind myself to Your will and purpose for me. Thank You, Jesus for your plans for me are to prosper me and give me a hope and a future. In Jesus Name, Amen!