When it comes to some things, I’m a minimizer. Basically, when I get hurt (emotionally), after the initial shock or outrage, I decide it isn’t important or that I some how deserved what happened, or I was making a big deal out of something that shouldn’t be a big deal, etc. I find a way to minimize the importance of the emotions. What happens to people who do this is…it all comes up eventually.
Ideally, when hurt happens we would take it to Jesus, forgive, forget, get past it. What usually happens is we implement whatever our coping mechanism is; we bury or minimize or act out or drink margaritas or pout (so everyone knows wer aren’t happy) or whatever it is we do to cope. Then we walk around with open wounds and every time something similar comes up, it hits us in that spot and something very small becomes huge. Wounds left to fester will always come back to the surface; We will have to deal with the wound eventually or we become bitter, angry, crazy people.
It doesn’t matter who you are, how perfect your childhood may have been or how great you life is, somewhere along the way, something happened…to you or around you or something. If you are breathing air then chances are, you have been hurt by someone or something in your life. It’s part of life.
Recently, I’ve started writing a book that began with a blog I wrote a few years ago about Praying for an Orphan Spirit. It basically has to do with being spiritually fatherless. When I first wrote about this spirit, it was in conjunction with a revelation that God gave me while praying for a couple of people at a church we attended. While God initially revealed it to me by having me pray for someone else, He brought it back around to me and an area of woundedness that has prevailed in my life. I spoke on the topic a few weeks ago, a pastor in attendance asked me where I was in all of this. His wording was diplomatic but the real question was, “What makes you the authority on this topic?” (I thought he didn’t like what I had to say but actually he asked me for my notes later). My immediate response was, “I have been this person”. Sometimes, I have to say things out loud to feel the full weight of the words. It’s true. I’ve been a spiritual orphan. Thanks to Jesus, I do NOT have to STAY a spiritual orphan.
I started writing. As I began to trace back the origins of this situation, I realized that I have been an orphan for much longer than I realized. As I wrote, I wept. I could feel the Word of God and the Holy Spirit washing over me, cleansing, bringing healing.
I thought this healing had happened; had been complete. I recognize that I am NOT an orphan…that is a good step but if I don’t get healed then I will be vulnerable to falling right back into the orphan mindset. I want all the healing that is available to me and (as my pastor says) if you don’t want yours, I’ll take that too.
Having written all of this (I hope you are still with me), at times we fail to recognize our season of healing. Most of the time, it comes in waves. I picture it as a waves of healing followed by waves of the Holy Spirit; the waves hitting in seasons.
In my mind I’ve seen the Holy Spirit like water. Some churches are like aquariums where the water is a certain level and that is as deep as you can go in the spirit and most of the “wild life” there is plastic. Some churches are like pools and you can dive in and swim and flow (I’ve been in some of these churches…very nice and refreshing) but pools have limitations and the water is treated. But the church of my dreams (I actually had a dream about this) is a part of the ocean and you can wade in and even dive under the waves and if you are brave you can swim out into the unknown deep. In my dreams, after years of being “in the Spirit” I can breath underwater; coming up for air isn’t required. The dream I once had was of a roped off area with leadership always warning us not to go beyond the ropes but I was always taking off into the unknown. Maybe we need to expand the ropes not swim off into the abyss alone. Still I long for the freedom ti swim in the Spirit like that.
When I think about it, a good church is much like the ocean. Have you ever had a cut on you when you went to the beach? When you got in the water, it stung a little, but later that day the cut was gone…the salt water has amazing healing characteristics and so does the Holy Spirit. When you go to a good church, there may be a little stinging but then the healing comes.
This may be swimming in deep water with some of my readers but I’m going to go there. Have you ever met a wounded prophet? Someone may have even popped into your mind when you read the sentence. You would know. They always “have a word” and it is usually just a little off or really angry. When it comes to Spiritual gifts, a little wound can throw you really throw you off. That is just one of the reasons why your healing is so important to God.
As I was writing and weeping but I know this is the season for my healing. When I get healed, I will be able to swim deeper, for longer. I’ve missed those deep waters.
Pray for your season of healing. It’s time.