I would estimate that I went through two thirds of my life believing I was alone. I also believed I was not understood. In hindsight, both of these idea’s were sown by the enemy and perpetuated by me.
In my experience, in speaking with, counseling, praying for and ministering too prophetic people and especially those who were prophetic in childhood, intense feelings of being “different” caused intense feelings of loneliness.
The Hubs stole a joke our pastor told and retold it on our last trip. A man went into a small grocery store to do some shopping. He noticed a bird. And the bird started talking to him. It was pretty impressive because the bird started calling him over. “Hey you, come here” The man was intrigued. He approached the bird and the bird looked him in the eye and said, “You are a stupid bag of crap” (Insert any insult here). The man was taken back. What kind of store was this. He asked to speak to management and told the owner what the bird had said. The owner said, “I’ll take care of it”. He took the bird into the back room and the feather’s flew. The customer could hear swkaking and punching and carrying on. The customer leaves and the next day he returns. There is the bird, sitting in his cage. He looks like he’s missing some feathers. The bird calls the customer over again and the customer is just waiting to hear what the bird will say this time. The bird says, “You know”.
The Hubs made the point that the enemy doesn’t have to follow us around lying to us but rather he sows a little lie and then we repeat it to ourselves until we believe it and respond to it.
My lie was “you are different, you don’t fit in. People do not understand you. You are alone. You you will always be alone. Don’t expect people to like you.” The crazy part of the lie is…I’ve always had lots of friends. I’m very friendly. Yet, I felt alone. I felt misunderstood. I felt that people didn’t like me.
I remember telling someone that if I walk into a room and everyone greets me, hugs me and adores me except for one person, it bugs me. I will try to find out why they don’t like me. I will assume I offended them. I will work to try to win them over.
It is foolishness. For one, it is self-centered…all about “me”. “Why don’t they like me?” Maybe they it’s them. Maybe they don’t like people. Maybe they are shy. Maybe they didn’t see me. Who cares? Everyone doesn’t have to like me.
In our quest for freedom and healing, I have rejected the lie that I am alone. I have rejected the lie that I’m different than everyone else. I’m not that different; everyone wants to feel accepted and understood.
How did I start thinking about this? We went to a gathering a while back and there were some little boys at the event. They all know each other and my son knows one or two of them. Of course, I am concerned about my son fitting in and getting along with kids his age. We have many friends and do many activities with other homeschooling families. He isn’t around kids his own age all day, every day. As I watched, the boys who knew each other were playing games and having fun. They didn’t really ask him to participate or include him. It bothered me. However, he didn’t even notice. He was off having fun on his own. Eventually, he joined in with something they were doing. He has some friends that come over occasionally. There are two boys that when they are together they do not always include him. I asked him if they were nice. The only time he said, “No” is when they pushed or hit him. To my son, being hit or pushed makes them not nice. He doesn’t notice not being included. That’s my thing. I’m working hard to not make that his thing.
When God created the universe He declared it all good with one exception. That was man being alone. God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone.
It is no wonder that this is an area where the enemy often comes in. I know in this, I am not alone. There are many of you who also feel different and also feel alone. It’s no surprise that the enemy tells us these lies to isolate us from others. We have to chose to reject the lie and to join up with other believers. The reason attending church and small groups is important is because in community the lies are uncovered, truth is revealed and healing happens.
We have to make a choice to NOT be alone. We have to reach out. We have to join in. We have to decide that most people are NOT against us and most people are NOT rejecting us. The expectation of rejection leads us to wounded people who reject us…the expectation of rejection become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Decide to think better of people.
Someone told me recently that we didn’t like each other when we met. I didn’t say anything but I liked her. I didn’t meet her and think, “I don’t like you”. Her experience was that I didn’t like her. Why? Because that was her expectation. I liked her. I’m not sure why she thought otherwise. I didn’t fall all over her with kissing up…but I don’t do that. I’m not one to extend false or exaggerated words of affirmation…perhaps that is why she thought I didn’t like her.
Expecting the worst in others is a pretty good indicator that you are wounded and need healing.
Seriously, I am not saying that to be mean. I’m not minimizing that you have been mistreated and wounded. It’s time to seek the Lord for your healing. We do not have time to maintain the regrets of our past. It’s time to get healed and move forward.
You aren’t alone. You aren’t alone in life. You aren’t alone in your situation. Someone out there has walked a similar road and gotten their healing. Someone has survived and been healed of much worse. Don’t worry about lost time. God has a way of restoring all of that.