All the Single Ladies

Standard

Had a visit this week with a single friend of mine.  In the middle of our time together she burst out with some delicate information regarding a man she is involved with.  She has discussed the relationship with me in the past and from what I can tell, he isn’t in love with her. She is hopeful though.  Her confession threw me off guard and I didn’t have eloquent words to say to her.  All I had at the time was an awkward laugh followed by, “That was my awkward laugh”.  I wasn’t shocked, not because I expected it but because I know anyone can fall into anything…believe me, I know.  I was surprised because it was announced so “out of the blue”. I know she wanted to tell someone.  Telling someone takes the hidden from darkness into light.  Some things are just hard to say. Hard for her and hard for me.

After thinking about it all for a few day, I had some thoughts….

I remember when I was single reading some of the book (didn’t buy it just read parts of it at Barnes and Nobel), “He’s just not that into you”.  Probably some of the best secular advise I ever read.   If he isn’t pursuing you then he isn’t really into you.  When a man is into you he doesn’t have to be prodded into pursuit…he’s naturally a hunter and he figures it out pretty quickly.

I want to write candidly to all my single girl friends (or any single woman out there who might read this)…having sex with a man is NOT a guarantee  that he will love you.   To  my single Christian friends, who agree with the Bible that sex is reserved for the marriage with one person for always, violating your own beliefs will only lead to grief, condemnation, shame, conflict and deep loneliness.

My single friends, you are worth more than a casual non-committal relationship.  You are valuable.  You are precious.  You are worth more than a tryst for someone who doesn’t know their own mind.  The Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.  If he is double-minded about how he feels about you or what he really wants from you he will be unstable in all that he does.  You deserve stability; God promises stability.

The Lord is exalted, for He dwells on high;
He has filled Zion with justice and righteousness.
Wisdom and knowledge will be the stability of your times,
And the strength of salvation;
The fear of the Lord is His treasure.  – Isaiah 33:5-6

A pastor’s wife once described a single friend of mine as “unsettled”.  Most women want to be settled.  We fall into drama; we fall into relationships that are drenched in drama but ultimately we long for stability.  It is not “settling” for something less, it is finding that place of peaceful existence with the man God intended for us.

A man of God will not ask you to violate your faith or your relationship with God.  He just won’t.  He values his own relationship with God, he values you and he values your relationship with God.

One of the greatest compliments the Hubs ever gave me was when he said, “For the first time in my life, I am in a relationship that does not compete with my relationship with God.  I can have both; I don’t have to choose one or the other.”   Yes, godly relationships do exist.  It’s us…so very often we rush into things that God never intended because of our own impatience.  You can’t rush God, you  must wait on Him.  He will come through.  He is for you, NOT against you.  His hopes and dreams for you are so much greater than what you can think, or ask or imagine.

The plan God has for you is worth waiting for.  It is worth breaking old patters and habit to align with Him.

If you are in relationship that is requiring more of you than you should be giving (emotionally or physically) and you are having problems breaking out of it then pray this prayer:

Lord, Your Word says if I acknowledge You, You will direct my paths.  Today, I acknowledge You in my relationships and ask that you will direct my paths.  Please forgive me for doing things that clearly violate Your Word and Your plan for my life.  Please help me to break out of these relationships.  I break every soul tie I have formed with this person and that this person has formed with me as a result of what we have done, in Jesus name.  Lord, please break these ungodly patterns off of my thinking and off of my life.  Lord, I ask that  You would bring godly friends into my life to remind me of who You say I am.  Please send me people who will hold me accountable for my actions. I bind myself to Your will and purpose for me.   Thank You, Jesus for your plans for me are to prosper me and give me a hope and a future.  In Jesus Name, Amen!

Another Word for Singles

Standard

The Hubs and I love, love, love singles.  Seriously, we were single for what seemed like forever (well, he 30 and I was a little older…nothing wrong with that ladies, younger is good) and we feel for singles.

I was chatting with a couple of my single friends tonight and found myself giving them some advise.  I told them I would blog it.  This is possible the best advise you can hear in regards to getting married.

When you decide it is time to get married, you need to know that you know, that you know that God put you the person you are marrying.  Here is why…  Because on your worst day, when it gets hard (and it will…there will come a moment when you will actually think, “Well, it’s been fun but I think this marks the end of the honeymoon.”) knowing that God put you together will get you through.

So before you go off getting married to some Joe or Jane Schmuckitelli (as my friend Charlie says) think about God’s best plan for you…and Yes, God does have a plan for who you marry.  God arranges “power couples”.  That’s cool.

As I tell my friends….I know my marriage is a total “God thang” because the Hubs is way too cool for me.  I would have never snagged a cool musician type if God hadn’t arranged it.

It had to happen in God’s time, not mine.  (Remember Christine Caine’s advise, “Your due date is not necessarily God’s appointed time”)  It is far better for you to get with God’s program than it is for you to try to get Him on board with your plan (that pretty much goes for everything whether you are married or not).

 

V-day – for Singles the “V” doesn’t mean Victory

Standard

This originally posted last year on Valentines….I thought I would repost it for anyone who missed it.

 I stopped by Walgreens today to purchase some Caritin or Walitin (Walgreen’s Brand).  Usually, Walgreens is a pop-in, pop-out store.  I am boycotting HEB’s version of Calitin because the packaging is TOO childproof, I always break the pills before I get them out of that little package.  So I stop in Walgreens and notice there is quiet a crowd, on the card aisle.  Then I remembered why, this week is Valentines Day.  Since I was there, I decided to get a card. 

This opinion maybe a result of being single for so long but I think Valentines is kind of a crock.  It’s a “Halmark”, “American Greetings”, “Russel Stovers” holiday.  In other words, it’s a lot of hype to get people to buy greeting cards and chocolate.  The Woman in me loves the idea of a holiday centered around chocolate….I especially wouldn’t mind some of those chocolate covered strawberries from Lamb’s Candies (hint, hint).  But in general, it’s really not THAT big of a deal.

When I was single, it was always a big deal.  I wish it hadn’t been. If you were dating someone, there was all this pressure to get the appropriate gift.  It was really a “Define the Relationship” holiday.  Is this guy going to get me something romantic like jewlery or roses?  Or will it be a little stuffed animal and a “funny” card?  And more importantly, what message am I going to send to him?  Do I get a serious card or keep it lite with a funny card?  EEEK!!  Do I cook a romantic dinner?  Will we take a walk on the beach.  Maybe this will be the opportunity for a friendship to develop into something more…maybe he will hold my hand or kiss me.  Good grief!  Just thinking about this makes me thank God for Dennis!!!    It also made me think of the two best Valentines gifts I received.

The first of the most memorable gifts I received was from a very good friend who is actually very romantic, but only if you looked closely.  I had been dating a guy for a short time who broke things off in December…by February, I was still a little sensitive about it (in hindsight I wish I had just “gotten over it”).  I had a best friend at the time who was a guy.  We spent alot of time together but we were “just friends”.   We would frequently visit Mozart’s (fabulous coffee shop on Lake Austin, best desserts) and the adjoining bookstore.  There was a book I really wanted called “The Path”.  This bookstore was not Barnes and Nobel, their books were full price, which means that little hardback book was $20 or something.  I just didn’t have the cash (I guess if I hadn’t been eating $5 cake, I would have been able to afford the book).  So my friend surprised me for Valentines with the book and a very nice card.  On the surface, a book may not seem like a romantic gift but it was because he was paying attention.  He bought me something he knew I wanted rather giving me all the “traditional” Valentines gifts. 

Alice

The second most memorable Valentines Day gift came from my friend Alice.  Alice is one of the most incredible women I know.  I admire her so much.  She is a chemical engineer who works in the gas and oil industry (which means she usually wears coveralls and primarily works with men).  I stopped by her apartment one day and she answered the door wearing her normal sweatpants and a tiara…yes, a crown.  This cracked me up.  Did I mention that Alice is also gorgeous?  Apparently, Alice was the homecoming queen and prom queen at her highschool.  Not something she tells just everyone.  She told me when she is feeling a little blue, she just puts on one of her tiaras.  She says that it is hard to be sad when you are wearing a tiara.  Alice is pretty funny too.  Well, after hearing that, I decided I needed a tiara.  I had been a little blue.  She did let me wear one of hers while I was visiting her that day but she wouldn’t let me take it home.   Several weeks later, Valentines rolled around.  My friend and roommate, Angela found ourselves without plans so we were sitting around at home, probably watching Friends (one of our favorite past times).  Alice called and asked if we were at home and could she stop by.  Alice arrives with an enormous basket, inside were two tiaras, chocolate, roses, and a ton of other gifts.  We had so much fun that night, hanging out, wearing our tiaras and laughing!  Alice knows Valentines Day.  That was just the perk we needed.

So whether you are single or married, remember Valentines isn’t about the card or the chocolate or the flowers.  It’s really just another day.  Have fun, spend the day with people you genuinely like.  Don’t try to generate “love”.  Don’t be depressed if you don’t “have someone”.  What the media defines as romance isn’t really romance.  Romance is the first time you hold hands; it is the good night kiss standing out on the porch while it is raining.  Love is all those perfect memories with the people who have made your life better.   Cherish the people you love, whether they are “just friends” or something more.  Remember, today’s friend may be next year’s true love.

Word for Singles

Standard

As a single man or single woman you should be on guard for the marriages of others.  Guard the marriage of others in the same manner you would guard you own marriage.

When I was single I had several very good friends who were guys. One of my best guy friends married shortly before I did.  That means things had to change.  This guy is like a brother to me.  He’s awesome.  I’ve known him since we were in the same 3rd grade class together.  I think the world of him and his wife is lovely.  Even though I’ve known him forever, even though I consider him a brother, once he married, I no longer spent time with him alone.  It’s not appropriate and it’s would not be respectful of his wife or his marriage. 

As a single woman, I would not spend time alone with a married man.   When I was working with a pastor friend who is married, doors stayed open…and we met at the church or we met with his wife. 

Even if your married friend asks if you want to hang out, you should ask if his/her spouse will joining you.  If a guy friend, who is married asked to hang out with me alone, I would ask him what his wife thinks of it.  I would not agree to hang out alone with him.

Everyone needs friends.  A husband and wife should be each other’s best friend.  Men should have men friends and women should have women friends.  If they are spending time alone with people of the opposite gender then they may already have marriage issues. 

You don’t want to be the reason a marriage breaks up.  Guard the marriage of others as closely as you would guard you own marriage.  You reap what you sow.  If you guard the marriage of others, you demonstrate how serious you take the sanctity of marriage.  One day, someone will guard your marriage as closely.

Scriptures for Singles

Standard

Over the years of being single, I collected some several scriptures that I would read/pray. 

Isaiah 55:11 says that God’s word shall not return void but it shall prosper in the thing for which it is sent (that’s the abbreviated version).  God’s word is as effective for prayer as it is for knowing God.  There are times and seasons in our life when we must remind ourselves and God (not that he forgets) what He said; remind Him of His promises.

Whether married or single, as people we often misunderstand God.  We have a flawed view of Him.  God is not “out to get us”.  He is not waiting for us to make a mistake so He can pitch us into hell.  In general (meaning His overall personality) is not angry.  He is not doing things to you to frustrate you or cause you grief.  Guess what?  Here is some Good News!  God loves you and wants you to be happy.  He came to give you abundant life…not lame life.  Having said this, God is not going to send you a loser to date/marry.  He isn’t going to say, “Because of all the things you’ve done (sins), this is the best I can do for you.”  God isn’t like that.  He has good things for you.  These good things are based on how Good He is, not how good you are.  You just have to be at the right place at the right time, doing what He is telling you to do. Do not worry about this too much, if you love Him and live your life for Him, He will help you be where you are suppose to be. 

The following are scriptures I read and prayed over the years.  These scriptures encouraged me and helped me stay focused (yes, I still made mistakes and did some things that I regret, but God still loves me and He still lead me into the abundant future He has planned for me). 

Ladies, you can also read Isaiah 54. 

You open Your hand
         And satisfy the desire of every living thing.

Psalm 145:16

If you desire to be married, if it in your deepest of hearts you desire a mate, then God will satisfy that desire.

Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

I Corinthian 7:2

 Search from the book of the LORD, and read:
      Not one of these shall fail;
      Not one shall lack her mate.
      For My mouth has commanded it, and His Spirit has gathered them.

Isaiah 34:16

The LORD will perfect that which concerns me;
         Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever;
         Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

Psalm 138:8

Bring my soul out of prison,
         That I may praise Your name;
         The righteous shall surround me,
         For You shall deal bountifully with me.

Psalm 142:7